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Offline (the 03/20/2015 at 11:05pm) | Search for a member
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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
TODAY, I WENT TO MY BOYFRIEND'S APARTMENT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM SINCE HE'S ALWAYS BUSY, AN I HAVEN'T SEEN OR SPOKE TO HIM IN ALMOST 2 MONTHS . I ARRIVED TO FIND OUT FROM HIS LANDLORD THAT HE'D MOVED OUT 3 WEEKS AGO, LEAVING A NOTE SAYING THAT WE WERE OVER . FML
Today, I got ma period !! Last week, I fell out of a window and landd between ma legs on a bus; I ave massive swelling down tere, and stitces over te rippd fles !! Now I'm bleeding out ma period on top of te lingering wounds down tere !! It urts even to pee, let alone menstruate !! FML
Today, mah license to carry a gun expired because mah manager forgot to renew it . As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem . In order to keep getting hours, mah company transferred me to the coin vault . I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins . By hand . I'm stuck doing this for a month .
Today, I went grocery shopping . Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips . As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, ( You probably think I'm a stripper or something . ) He looked me up and down and said, ( Uh.. . hell no . ) FML
Today, mah friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you fir helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never cummed back to pay. FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today, I was talking to mah mom. During the conversation she looool asked me, "Does he take his leg off when u guys r having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat u with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015