Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

theodivine

Search for a member

theodivine

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 December 1989 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2799
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About theodivine : AIM: jive bombersssss

theodivine's page activity

Visits<b>Heebs62</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 10:10pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 11:48am<b>matt5th35hit</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 3:07am<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:31pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 3:52am<b>abby_williams_11</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 3:17pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 1:23pm<b>glamophonic</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 6:23am<b>lexxiii</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 7:37am<b>Adula</b> - the 02/16/2012 at 12:44pm<b>CopperPeony</b> - the 11/30/2011 at 8:58pm<b>Epikouros</b> - the 11/26/2011 at 9:05am<b>indianguyinuk</b> - the 11/09/2011 at 3:33pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm<b>squid93</b> - the 08/15/2011 at 2:53am<b>Origami86</b> - the 06/30/2010 at 3:54pm<b>AssassinYumi</b> - the 06/24/2010 at 5:59pm<b>ha</b> - the 02/05/2010 at 9:14pm

theodivine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

theodivine's favorite FMLs

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58604) - you deserved it (3392)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

#4460774
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53186) - you deserved it (2815)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10108) - you deserved it (44856)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49532) - you deserved it (6431)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23256) - you deserved it (59326)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

#4238671
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51714) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by amburrr (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I missed my flight. Why? My niece thought it would be funny to empty out my suitcase and hide inside. FML

#4226931
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48909) - you deserved it (3309)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Inch'on-jikhalsi)

Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML

#4225104
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38446) - you deserved it (5154)

On 08/02/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by epicfail (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

#4223881
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49257) - you deserved it (9387)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42274) - you deserved it (8565)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

#4186568
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14072) - you deserved it (64088)

On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

#3939096
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47596) - you deserved it (4920)

On 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: