theodivine

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theodivine

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 December 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3270
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About theodivine : AIM: jive bombersssss

theodivine's page activity

Visits<b>austinsixx1994</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 10:50pm<b>bkmr</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 2:58am<b>ratman775</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 2:59pm<b>user716</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 7:10am<b>chrisstachon</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 5:01am<b>Xatraris</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 11:33am<b>markpatrick</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 9:59am<b>acg7</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 9:21am<b>gregsgirlfriend</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 8:39am<b>dave20012</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 5:41am<b>trs121</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 3:55am<b>Lyzee</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 10:10am<b>hihello18</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 12:00am<b>scoobs231</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 1:22pm<b>Drag0nb0rn</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 4:48pm<b>InfinaDerp</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 7:21am<b>Heebs62</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 10:10pm<b>matt5th35hit</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 3:07am

theodivine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

theodivine's favorite FMLs

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:01am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

by zwillywilly / 08/10/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

by piratequeen / 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

by scaredshitless / 08/07/2009 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

by amburrr / 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML

by epicfail / 08/02/2009 at 4:39am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

by dam01 / 08/02/2009 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

by deadbunnies / 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

by ohhmydamn / 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

by PTKFML / 07/26/2009 at 12:37am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy