I'm me.... that's all u rlly needa know
Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11417) - you totally deserved it (970)
On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by Lucy (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7569) - you totally deserved it (4179)
On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you totally deserved it (3825)
On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34422) - you totally deserved it (7832)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Fattie (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8978) - you totally deserved it (30870)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51167) - you totally deserved it (5035)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
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On 06/23/2009 at 4:01am - misc - by Mullbull (man) - United States
Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML
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On 06/13/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by anonymous1 - United States (California)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24051) - you totally deserved it (38072)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
I agree, your life sucks (53217) - you totally deserved it (24646)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then proceeds to respond, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and proceeded to walk up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 5:43am - intimacy - by cherry (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
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On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - misc - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
