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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35036) - you deserved it (5212)
On 03/14/2013 at 5:02am - intimacy - by howaboutno (woman) - United States
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26972) - you deserved it (4281)
On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34280) - you deserved it (3189)
On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (6413) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/08/2013 at 9:13am - animals - by orely44 - France (Pays de la Loire)
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43024) - you deserved it (11041)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77980) - you deserved it (4310)
On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97172) - you deserved it (23457)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (103154) - you deserved it (3353)
On 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139425) - you deserved it (32529)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106191) - you deserved it (5367)
On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140410) - you deserved it (32100)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML
I agree, your life sucks (128209) - you deserved it (16252)
On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78747) - you deserved it (10342)
On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88920) - you deserved it (14370)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101235) - you deserved it (7716)
On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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