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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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tguillaud550

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tguillaud550
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 349
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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tguillaud550's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

#18520175 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (9200) - you deserved it (1470)

On 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by 2285morgan - United States

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

#18385235 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (12957) - you deserved it (1391)

On 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

#18145171 (349)

I agree, your life sucks (46804) - you deserved it (2918)

On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582 (366)

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (20887)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

#18067303 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (14205) - you deserved it (948)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by KaySchrages92 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

#17821676 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (3534) - you deserved it (21784)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

#17818557 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (33556) - you deserved it (2916)

On 09/24/2011 at 3:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (26431) - you deserved it (15667)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835 (363)

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (28891)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

#13075106 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (14544) - you deserved it (8657)

On 09/16/2010 at 4:06pm - misc - by locker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

#13033925 (295)

I agree, your life sucks (25185) - you deserved it (1727)

On 09/13/2010 at 11:14am - misc - by dmvsucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

#8875479 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (15833) - you deserved it (2716)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

#8705777 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (19468) - you deserved it (2480)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

#8637301 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (9536) - you deserved it (19973)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:39am - money - by compguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22280) - you deserved it (5728)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)