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tdutch712

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tdutch712
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 23 January 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 19804
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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tdutch712's favorite FMLs

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48120) - you deserved it (21622)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59537) - you deserved it (11396)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63716) - you deserved it (4610)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

#3055426
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11777) - you deserved it (83790)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56078) - you deserved it (10645)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42828) - you deserved it (6143)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

#2637147
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19961) - you deserved it (67454)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34480) - you deserved it (113965)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37398) - you deserved it (10113)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14406) - you deserved it (52346)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61106) - you deserved it (6180)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28755) - you deserved it (133727)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50487) - you deserved it (17275)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63684) - you deserved it (33785)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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