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Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25359) - you deserved it (3099) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6069) - you deserved it (29186)
On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25913) - you deserved it (10107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/18/2013 at 6:39am - animals - by dormeur - Sent from mobile version
Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20375) - you deserved it (24953)
On 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16656) - you deserved it (4826)
On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18489) - you deserved it (4289)
On 12/30/2012 at 2:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Saarland)
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11364) - you deserved it (24380)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21255) - you deserved it (2926)
On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (7341)
Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5470) - you deserved it (16101)
On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22338) - you deserved it (6557) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13583) - you deserved it (22099)
On 01/14/2011 at 4:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26362) - you deserved it (3520)
On 03/16/2010 at 4:51pm - animals - by Adam (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15703) - you deserved it (1677)
On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42762) - you deserved it (6376)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Friday 24 May 2013
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