About taco_bender : Well im mexican and 18. Not in jail and havent got any girls pregnant so im a little off track. Hahaha. I am not a taco bender but i heard they make good money. I always wondered why you dont see taco benders in NFL games or NBA games. Not even MLS games. Thts soccer. If u know the reason message me Hahaha so if u see a taco bender might be me. Hahahaha.
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Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15360) - you deserved it (1519)
On 07/05/2012 at 12:01am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19366) - you deserved it (4492)
On 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by KatieB (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
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On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17096) - you deserved it (4865)
On 04/03/2012 at 12:43am - intimacy - by DanteWest1000 (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15337) - you deserved it (1178)
On 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by yelyah - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
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On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML
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On 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm - misc - by lyla - United States
Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML
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On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
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On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
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On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML
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On 03/07/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by RZ (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML
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On 03/01/2012 at 4:43pm - misc - by Rachel - United States
Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5936) - you deserved it (23984)
Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8213) - you deserved it (23918) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10553) - you deserved it (27092)
On 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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