swoozie23

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swoozie23

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 14 April 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 577
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About swoozie23 : Always on this on my phone because I don't really do a lot at work...

swoozie23's page activity

Visits<b>crapmaster3000</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:02pm<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 2:13am<b>Herzog8</b> - the 03/15/2012 at 7:45am

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swoozie23's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

by boblaj / 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

by fired / 05/13/2012 at 2:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

by cockblocked / 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

by SomePeoplesKids / 05/08/2012 at 2:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

by Rapunzel / 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent five dollars on a virtual cat. FML

by bobbeta30 / 01/11/2012 at 11:33am / United States (New York) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.