swinglifeaway123

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swinglifeaway123

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 919
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About swinglifeaway123 : I like trains

swinglifeaway123's page activity

Visits<b>odinhasaboner</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 9:05am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 10:34am<b>maaj</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 4:08am<b>Kasanovastar</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 4:46pm<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 6:07pm<b>danthehuman</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 7:38pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 7:37pm<b>hihello18</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 12:11pm<b>munuxi</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 6:24pm<b>Danaalo</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:52am<b>lord_meloetta</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 9:17pm<b>colby6666</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 5:01pm<b>FML_Elle</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:22pm<b>maxsing</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 7:00pm<b>mcdekree</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Darelis1216</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 1:11pm<b>minesbiggerr</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 9:04pm<b>odd_c</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 11:23pm

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swinglifeaway123's favorite FMLs

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

by dr mamour / 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm / Love

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

by Kitten_Love / 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm / Animals

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

by Kftc88 / 01/11/2013 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

by BoringFucker / 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

by Scumbagmemory / 01/21/2012 at 11:17pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

by Yo mom / 12/27/2011 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

by Colton / 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

by disappoint / 12/08/2011 at 4:14am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 6:09am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous