About suze81 : A general pleb
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suze81's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm / Spain (Canarias) / Animals
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by happybirthday / 08/12/2012 at 1:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 1:29am / Europe / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 12:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML
by Hunter101 / 05/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista,… Today, I got bitched at for 6 hours on a roadtrip by my mother. I asked her not to smoke while my 4…