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Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3803) - you totally deserved it (10670)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (3000) - you totally deserved it (496)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you totally deserved it (588)
On 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm - misc - by usmcgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1238) - you totally deserved it (6941)
On 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Metime (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21747) - you totally deserved it (4224)
On 10/29/2009 at 1:20am - love - by chipmunk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21672) - you totally deserved it (2004)
On 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by notsohot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10449) - you totally deserved it (2850)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16010) - you totally deserved it (1483)
On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5911) - you totally deserved it (6598)
On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7418) - you totally deserved it (21044)
On 10/02/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by apowell5 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3909) - you totally deserved it (11567) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27168) - you totally deserved it (1695) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8325) - you totally deserved it (1813) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 2:10am - intimacy - by betchyo (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, i walked into the bathroom and saw my beautiful girlfriend of 9 months shaving her face. Seeing my shocking reflection she says "Honey, we need to talk". She proceeds to tell me that she was born a man and had a full sex change the year before she met me. Yes, we've had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17004) - you totally deserved it (2207)
On 09/29/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27199) - you totally deserved it (9722)
On 09/28/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by jentown11 (woman) - United States (Texas)
