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Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person an I'm super pumped up to finally get off mah lazy butt an loose some wieght. Locking myself in mah room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
2day I was cecking out a customer wo seemed quite friendly. As I finised, e reaced sligtly over te counter and I impulsively reaced out and sook is and. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I ave ma cange please?" FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrestd, an we all got find 4 creating a public disturbance. When I explaind I wasn't with them, the group backd me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, an now I have to go to court. real FML
Today, I Was At Danca Rahaarsal. As A Mala Dancar I Lika To Kaap Tha Fact That I Danca A Sacrat Cuz Of Tha Stupid Staraotypas Mala Dancars Hava. This Plan Was Quickly Shot Downhan I Discovard I Was Parforming At My School. FML
Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications fir "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML
Today, I was hitting on a cute grl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opend Safari on my phone. It opend to my video from Pornhub I watchd yesterday and startd playing, on full volume, through the entre bus. FML
Today, marks the thrd week inhich mah grlfriend has gone without taking a shower!! She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month!! She's convinced babby wipes will "hold her over"!! mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015