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About stronghand0331 : Yes I do see you sneaking a peek of my profile you naughty little hooker...
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20789) - you deserved it (2600)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24702) - you deserved it (6508)
On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15311) - you deserved it (22636)
On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he randomly sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9384) - you deserved it (1718)
On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21282) - you deserved it (8032)
On 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by unicorn - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22425) - you deserved it (3567)
On 07/08/2011 at 9:24am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56409) - you deserved it (4916)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (4171)
On 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27158) - you deserved it (46336)
On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24973) - you deserved it (3336)
On 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26847) - you deserved it (12090)
On 11/04/2010 at 5:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46031) - you deserved it (9597)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16824) - you deserved it (2122)
On 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16950) - you deserved it (1676)
On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
I agree, your life sucks (16789) - you deserved it (4759)
On 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by huwauw (woman) - United States (New York)
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