storyteller07

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storyteller07

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 4 November 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5157
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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storyteller07's page activity

Visits<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:12am<b>username666</b> - the 04/23/2009 at 11:22am<b>limabean3</b> - the 04/01/2009 at 12:52am<b>BaiRen</b> - the 03/31/2009 at 9:21pm<b>bananamanama</b> - the 03/31/2009 at 1:04am<b>Kira</b> - the 03/30/2009 at 11:12pm<b>LovelyCutiePie</b> - the 03/30/2009 at 10:33pm<b>unibrowicorn</b> - the 03/30/2009 at 9:23pm

storyteller07's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

storyteller07's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

by poolboy / 04/14/2009 at 4:51am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

by dramaqueen / 04/14/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

by suckstobeme / 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

by Aprilfools / 04/12/2009 at 6:47am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

by anon13 / 04/12/2009 at 12:27am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

by mandy / 04/10/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

by missy / 04/10/2009 at 4:17am / Italy (Toscana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

by luh8r / 04/09/2009 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

by tool / 04/09/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

by eun / 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

by nothing / 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

by ugly / 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids