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stitch23's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Maine) / Transportation
by PerfectTiming / 07/08/2013 at 7:19am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 3:09am / Australia / Love
by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 10:28am / United States / Animals
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML
by Ouch / 06/20/2013 at 11:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML
by windshitwipers / 05/30/2013 at 5:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by CheesyCasey / 05/29/2013 at 8:51pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…