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stevegronowski's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
by wtf / 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
by StromyG2 / 10/24/2011 at 10:54am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
by ShitHappens / 10/24/2011 at 1:04am / United States / Love
by Pookaa / 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML
by myBFsucks / 10/05/2011 at 12:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
by danii / 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by SimpleSwimmer / 10/04/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work
by dmanrique / 10/04/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
by backtosquareone / 10/04/2011 at 1:22am / Asia/Pacific Region / Love
Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML
by sorenips / 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML
by TheAnnoyedNeighbor / 10/03/2011 at 2:08am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML
by NotRussian / 10/03/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
by bastard magnet / 10/02/2011 at 6:14pm / United States (California) / Love
by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my…