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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55489) - you deserved it (2921)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (162665) - you deserved it (15000)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (64515)
On 03/28/2009 at 6:13pm - love - by WeezysBaby (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife has been singing "I can't get no satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, all morning. She started singing it right after we had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66521) - you deserved it (17284)
On 03/28/2009 at 10:16am - intimacy - by dhouse (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44532) - you deserved it (79659)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (324643) - you deserved it (25670)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54348) - you deserved it (3804)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (446027) - you deserved it (32714)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
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