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sph12

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  • Number of visits : 860
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sph12's favorite FMLs

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31205) - you deserved it (15536)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12530) - you deserved it (56863)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

#18106898
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11426) - you deserved it (29181)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Messiahman - United States (Texas)

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

#18100684
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (5266)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:51am - animals - by Fought The Law - United States (Georgia)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (9576)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10014) - you deserved it (181516)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27023) - you deserved it (32404)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27023) - you deserved it (32404)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23464) - you deserved it (4278)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (6338)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51111) - you deserved it (8046)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37567) - you deserved it (2918)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

#17954920
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25973) - you deserved it (5858)

On 10/10/2011 at 8:58pm - health - by maniac11 - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

#17909794
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6431) - you deserved it (30070)

On 10/05/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by nooooooooob - United States (Nevada)

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

#17894609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25927) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States



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