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sph12

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sph12

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 808
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sph12's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

#19743294
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19756) - you deserved it (1858)

On 06/06/2012 at 8:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7908) - you deserved it (41085)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was looking through my roommate's room trying to find a DVD, when I stumbled upon a bundle of pictures of me showering and sleeping. FML

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20818) - you deserved it (3845)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (3829)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML

#19484491
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24196) - you deserved it (2683)

On 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9486) - you deserved it (33256)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

#19443098
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26960) - you deserved it (4929)

On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - misc - by uhhh what? - United States (Washington)

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

#19355667
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18811) - you deserved it (9468)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28888) - you deserved it (18079)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

#19268925
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23318) - you deserved it (7960)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
593 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23165) - you deserved it (52929)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8397) - you deserved it (52657) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

#19105886
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28517) - you deserved it (3759)

On 02/18/2012 at 7:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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