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sph12

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  • Number of visits : 957
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sph12's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

#20035872
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9546) - you deserved it (26873)

On 08/22/2012 at 4:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

#20034900
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35410) - you deserved it (8929)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

#20018849
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25468) - you deserved it (4559)

On 08/13/2012 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (3425)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11429) - you deserved it (39271)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21698) - you deserved it (2260)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

#19935872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15108) - you deserved it (29406)

On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

#19931500
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26991) - you deserved it (1623)

On 07/13/2012 at 2:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

#19899263
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26117) - you deserved it (2484)

On 07/06/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Toilettrash (woman) - United States

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

#19890601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8449) - you deserved it (32132)

On 07/04/2012 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

#19890281
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15918) - you deserved it (29470)

On 07/04/2012 at 10:45am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

#19870376
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30737) - you deserved it (5087)

On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25194) - you deserved it (3126)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (105062)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15096) - you deserved it (40841)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)



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