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sph12

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sph12's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

#20191408
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21670) - you deserved it (2302)

On 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm - misc - by Likian5 (man) - United States

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10894) - you deserved it (20964)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30725) - you deserved it (3793)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

#20186585
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (2581)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6324) - you deserved it (36717)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19054) - you deserved it (25298)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20380) - you deserved it (2824)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

#20130198
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7993) - you deserved it (24404)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:47pm - money - by Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! - United States (California)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (6938)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

#20056463
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19649) - you deserved it (2653)

On 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by weave9z (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18014) - you deserved it (23340)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

#20054113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23314) - you deserved it (3726)

On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11908) - you deserved it (33154)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

#20046479
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6479) - you deserved it (22633)

On 08/28/2012 at 4:38pm - misc - by p (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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