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Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18698) - you totally deserved it (163343)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9441) - you totally deserved it (58115)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
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On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (47201) - you totally deserved it (4329)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:14am - misc - by wasntme (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you totally deserved it (40022)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by lauren (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you totally deserved it (79081)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55663) - you totally deserved it (8630)
On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was invited to a pink panty party at my neighbor's apt. I went out and bought the cutest pair of pink panties and went over to the party in only them and a matching bra. When I opened the door everyone was wearing jeans. Apparently a pink panty is a mixed drink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18059) - you totally deserved it (52089)
On 03/25/2009 at 4:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63063) - you totally deserved it (6892)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19744) - you totally deserved it (64857)
On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216145) - you totally deserved it (238586)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43155) - you totally deserved it (7565)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56183) - you totally deserved it (4962)
On 03/02/2009 at 12:28pm - kids - by E (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37114) - you totally deserved it (9257)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
