spazzmckiwi

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spazzmckiwi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 February 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5044
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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spazzmckiwi's page activity

Visits<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 4:17pm<b>catqwertyuiop</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 1:48am<b>hassi158</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 8:38pm<b>KINGLOMP32</b> - the 07/01/2009 at 7:16pm<b>meflem</b> - the 05/10/2009 at 10:03pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/29/2009 at 5:12pm<b>xl0vely</b> - the 04/15/2009 at 10:25am

spazzmckiwi's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

spazzmckiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

by StevieMe / 04/08/2009 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

by wasntme / 03/30/2009 at 6:14am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

by lauren / 03/30/2009 at 1:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 1:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

by badmom / 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

by ak / 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

by E / 03/02/2009 at 12:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

by screewit / 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

by Noname / 02/18/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

by KTK / 02/17/2009 at 8:00pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy