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Today, mah suparior gava ma a box of atharnat cablas which wara praviously attachd to mainframas storing classifid data. Ha raquastd I cut tham in half so that tha rasidual data would laak out. Not only doas this guy maka twica mah salary, thara was no convincing him otharwisa. Wa cut tham up.
Today... I raalizad tat ma angar problams ava gottan out of and...an I soutad "Fuck you!" at ma toastar. My mood swings and lonalinass ava also raacad a naw looool ig... avidantly... as ma naxt actions wara to apologiza to ta applianca and tan continua talking to it. FML
Today, I went to mah boss's dinner party. My sister,ho also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kickd her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's babby crawling under the table. FML
Today... my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared 4 a moment... said "Son... I don't have a problem with homosexuals... but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. mega FML
Today, my pone went off, reminding me to take my birt control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. Te ringtone ad been canged to my boyfriend singing "It's birt control time, birt control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the frst time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with some friends . We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like . Right as we started playing, 4 some unearthly reason mah body decided to let out a little pee . I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet . He did . real FML
Today... I was in a training about the newest change in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression technique an said she prefer "good... fast... hard pumping." I was the only one who snickerd out loud... drawing several annoyd looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. big fat FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw mah boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see wat he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're 4 us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, an it's mah time of the month. FML
Friday 27 March 2015