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  • Number of visits : 7930
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 8 posted

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soulebelius's page activity

Visits<b>harlsp</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 4:56am<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 8:14pm<b>jenniferlane0727</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 2:43pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 11:39am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 7:30pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 1:54am<b>Jetix7402</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 2:03am<b>McFishFilet</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 6:45am<b>snazz23</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 3:20pm<b>Srxjo</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 1:30pm<b>PoolDeadio</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 5:13pm<b>prettyliar2013</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 4:11pm<b>zobara</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 12:40pm<b>thewoodinator96</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 7:35am<b>XXFMLXXQUEENXX</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 10:59pm<b>legendairy3000</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 1:34pm<b>riot_grrrl</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 4:03pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 4:52pm

Fucked!<b>Jetix7402</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 8:03am

soulebelius's FML badges

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soulebelius's favorite FMLs

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

by MouserMan / 10/22/2014 at 10:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

by KasSmoke / 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

by makeyourselfathome / 09/17/2014 at 8:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

by furryfriend / 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

by almost governmental / 09/05/2014 at 6:02pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Work

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Love