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soccerkristig

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soccerkristig
  • Town/Country : Rochester, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1303
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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soccerkristig's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12834) - you deserved it (55392)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

#4580514
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55858) - you deserved it (6780)

On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

#4572543
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50216) - you deserved it (7502)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62856) - you deserved it (11209)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62856) - you deserved it (11209)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62856) - you deserved it (11209)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

#4226851
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57519) - you deserved it (2903)

On 08/02/2009 at 8:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21277) - you deserved it (73253)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72260) - you deserved it (22004)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

#1383069
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66215) - you deserved it (14289)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76006) - you deserved it (6145)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
908 comments

I agree, your life sucks (329707) - you deserved it (35717)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

#726526
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60216) - you deserved it (3240)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124122) - you deserved it (13813)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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