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smrue5

Offline (the 11/13/2014 at 9:51pm) | Search for a member

smrue5

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 160
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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smrue5's page activity

Visits<b>Rob2342</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 5:46pm<b>sktlzz14</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 11:01am<b>CheeseTron</b> - the 01/25/2013 at 12:04am<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 1:07pm<b>NeonCookies89</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 11:14pm

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smrue5's favorite FMLs

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (31444)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48778) - you deserved it (3462)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32515) - you deserved it (4549)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36233) - you deserved it (8465)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

#21022393
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41683) - you deserved it (5140)

On 01/09/2014 at 11:01am - love - by BornToBeABurden (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41623) - you deserved it (7872) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50900) - you deserved it (4182)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
334 comments

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43343) - you deserved it (7294)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42036) - you deserved it (2865)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50512) - you deserved it (3576)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57150) - you deserved it (3378)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

#20909568
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45130) - you deserved it (3475)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm - misc - by D: (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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