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smrue5's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by subduedbeast / 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by MainePains / 10/10/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Health
by BornToBeABurden / 01/09/2014 at 11:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML
by oldshitnewshit / 10/22/2013 at 5:11pm / United States / Work
by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by TeddyBearKiller / 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm / United States / Kids
by UHM / 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm / United States / Love
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, my little sister told me she "got wet" when the guinea pig we were looking after licked her… Today, I asked a guy for directions. He said "well you can either go the short way or the long way,… Today, i was asked to keep a bottle of coke in my backpack while we were walking in the park. Half…