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skippy_doodaday's FML badges
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skippy_doodaday's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML
by vanessa560 / 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals
by bellerz14 / 12/22/2011 at 9:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by MikeNick / 12/17/2011 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
by stinky / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by me / 11/30/2011 at 1:43am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
by BadFather / 11/21/2011 at 1:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
by dan / 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
- Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and… Today, I saw a cute girl working at one of those fancy pizza places. I gave her a tip and she gave… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought…