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sj_sharks's favorite FMLs
by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML
by failed brood mare / 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML
by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
by fuck you, bitchcake / 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by catfan / 10/30/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML
by oldshitnewshit / 10/22/2013 at 5:11pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML
by PickedOnByDamien / 10/02/2013 at 4:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Ggirl / 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Nice Melons / 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm / United States / Work