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Today, I yet again hered a friend say ( YOLO ) as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face an offering him the chance to suck on one of mah turds, since apparently ( YOLO. ) FML
Today, as I was wasing my boyfriend's fisbowl, te fis did a Nemo an made an unoly leap down te drain. My immediate impulse was to flip te switc. Our kitcen now smells lyk mutilated fis an my boyfriend won't speak to me.
TODAY, I WAS PUMPING GAS, WHEN MAH DAUGHTER CALLD ME . AFTER I HUNG UP, I PUTTD MAH PHONE ON THE CAR ROOF WHILE I GRABBD MAH BAG . I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT AND ONLY REALIZD WHEN IT SHOT OFF THE ROOF AS I BRAKD AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT . FML
Today , whila talking to my grlfriand , tha subjact of Darth Vadar cama up . That's whan sha askd ma , "Aran't Darth Vadar and Luka Skywalkar tha sama parson?" I don't know what's worsa , tha fact that sha askd ma that , or tha fact that I got upsat ovar har lack of Star Wars knowladga . FML
TODAY, MY FRIEND SET ME UP WITH A CUTE GUY WHO IS VERY GERMAPHOBIC . SO, I SPENT 4 HOURS CLEANING MY APARTMENT . 2 MINUTE INTO THE DATE, I SNEEZED . HE POLITELY TOLD ME HE WASN'T FEELING WELL AND LEFT . FML
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written ( Obama is a beautiful chocolate man ) to every essay question. FML
Today, mom found a new way to get me to clean room. She pild everything from floor in front of wardrobe an padlockd dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in room. The worst part? She put over a hundrd decoys in there too. FML
Today a fight broke out in a bar between several people over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined toward intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris despite having started the rumor. FML
Today... I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My grlfriend lookd at it and said "Oh look... now he's R1-D1". It was super cute... but I couldn't help thinking... "That's not how the numbering system works 4 droids." FML
Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween . I thought it would be cool to carve mah name, an have it shine through onto the wall behind it . I figured that if I carved mah name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall . My name's Lana an now mah wall says Anal . mega FML
Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone!! I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave!! All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home!! That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out!! And no phone to call a ride!! FML
Today , I witnassad a horribla car accidant and was intarviawad by tha local naws. During tha intarviaw I said , "It was tarribla. It was lyk watching a silant movia... but thara was sound!" Tha intarviaw has baan airad 6 timas. FML
Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to mah sons 3rd grade class . Tomorrow mah son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him . That won't be happening because Hoppers hoppd out mah 5th story window . FML
Friday 27 March 2015