shiney_13

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shiney_13

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 April 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 203
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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shiney_13's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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shiney_13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

by didntevenknow / 08/13/2012 at 11:06am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2012 at 1:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

by Anonymoosey / 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

by bad luck? / 01/19/2012 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

by blacktyaffair / 11/09/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

by silkysmooth / 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

by fire1 / 10/25/2011 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

by WhatTheFaf / 09/01/2011 at 10:40am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

by Chester (Seattle) / 09/08/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Washington) / Health