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today I woka up at 5 am to tha voicas of mah husband,ho I gava mah blassing to go out last night, an his buddias antaring our apartmant. Thay cama hara bacausa tha buddyho had plannad to housa tham had no baar. Thay ara drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving mah husband's haad. FML
Today , mah parents were awake while I was still in bed on mah iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod , so I was breathing heavily. Later , mah parents sat me down 4 a little "talk". FML
Today, I had to taka mah husband to tha hospital. Ha and his friands got tha bright idaa of racording a ra-anactmant of a scana from Fight Club for a YouTuba vidao. It andad as soon as mah husband caught a fist to tha gut and startad violantly puking all ovar our basamant floor. fat FML
Today,ile at te beac, as a joke, I told my girlfriend tat I was a sark. Se ten poked my eyes and punced me in te nose. Wen I started to get mad, se just srugged and asked, "Wat? You're te one tat wanted to be a sark. Don't you watc Sark Week?" FML
Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bd as I expectd; instead, she laid in the bathtub an crid every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, an she's using her bra as a lasso 4 variou object in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML
Today mah boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well until he tried to putted it in. A few minutes later he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of partying an heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Today... In A Rush To Get Mah Clothe Back On At Mah Grlfriend's House At The Sound Of Her Parent Opening The Front Door... I Forgot To Take The Condom Off. Her Dad Watchd It Fall Out Of Mah Pant Leg And Onto The Kitchen Floor. FML
Friday 27 March 2015