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Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
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Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23755) - you deserved it (4118)
On 01/31/2011 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Username -
Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21383) - you deserved it (4093)
On 01/26/2011 at 7:57pm - intimacy - by PLU (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19344) - you deserved it (9243)
On 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Fucked (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21372) - you deserved it (4761)
On 01/22/2011 at 12:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32934) - you deserved it (21132) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24762) - you deserved it (15690) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (4739)
On 01/12/2011 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28103) - you deserved it (3335)
On 01/03/2011 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28871) - you deserved it (4571)
On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27955) - you deserved it (3891)
On 12/31/2010 at 1:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27580) - you deserved it (5864)
On 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Hannah - United States (Kansas)
Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25181) - you deserved it (2330)
On 08/10/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Brandon (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20743) - you deserved it (3898)
On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25849) - you deserved it (1654)
On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25000) - you deserved it (1610)
On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)
Friday 24 May 2013
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