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Today, I was brushing mah teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above mah head. I was trapped in the bathroom fir over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
today I woka up at 5 am to tha voicas of mah husband,ho I gava mah blassing to go out last night, an his buddias antaring our apartmant. Thay cama hara bacausa tha buddyho had plannad to housa tham had no baar. Thay ara drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving mah husband's haad. FML
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward an I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
Today , I was at work , reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decidd to share that his father had passd away recently , I burst into uncontrollable , terey-eyd laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation , and have brandd me the office asshole. FML
Today, I discovered that as thanks fir my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. fat FML
while at the mall a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel hich caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store . I didn't even get looool an apology . real FML
Today, I found out via Facebook status that boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind own business. I think I'm about to be single. real FML
Today, I raad an articla on babia dying aftar baing accidantally laft in cars in tha sun. On my lunch braak, I dacidad to walk around tha parking lot, chacking to saa that no kids wara abandonad in cars. A guy gava ma a smack fir looking through his car window. FML
Today, my mother describd what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing looool 4 some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighd and emphatically agred. FML
2day while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of mah nose with mah fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for mah scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." big fat FML
Today... I noticd a littlehite ball in the corner of my bedroom cieling. I guess it had been there fir ahile already... but the teeming mass of babby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML
Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After looool working out the detail an picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML
Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
Friday 27 March 2015