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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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sex_cauldron

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sex_cauldron
  • Town/Country : Penisville, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 446
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About sex_cauldron : Hey guys. I joined FML to argue/ass-kiss its notorious users and make "witty" comments. I'm older than I look. My icon isn't serious. I favourite the most immature FMLs, and I'm also kind of an asshole.

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sex_cauldron's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

#8878424 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (2434)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm - misc - by bathroomblunder (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

#8042799 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (19914) - you deserved it (2499)

On 02/09/2010 at 3:19am - kids - by matchristityler (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (7554) - you deserved it (24907)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (19384) - you deserved it (22685)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

#7139059 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (19376) - you deserved it (4836)

On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (5181) - you deserved it (39122)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

#6695644 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (20751) - you deserved it (3335)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by dayum (man) - Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (23634) - you deserved it (1876)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (5442) - you deserved it (21200)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

#6688959 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (24918) - you deserved it (1428)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:24am - work - by g_unit (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

#6679644 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (5150) - you deserved it (47816)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm - love - by ouch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

#5626846 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (10016) - you deserved it (3006)

On 10/03/2009 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by ohnoooooo (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

#5441991 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (7263) - you deserved it (53627)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

#2637147 (336)

I agree, your life sucks (15339) - you deserved it (50726)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949 (271)

I agree, your life sucks (17680) - you deserved it (62746)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)