About sebonfire20 : I'm a boss
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sebonfire20's favorite FMLs
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 2:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by BrianTheLion89 / 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Laura / 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
by KJL / 08/29/2011 at 11:38am / United States / Health
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
by cjay2200 / 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Kids
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 10:52am / United States (Texas) / Health
by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health
by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML
by ypsitucky / 07/25/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by handyman13 / 07/25/2011 at 1:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…