About scottyrocks123 : Usually bored
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9837) - you deserved it (53972)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:15pm - work - by Loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19375) - you deserved it (54478)
On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10120) - you deserved it (60254)
On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59481) - you deserved it (15534)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13281) - you deserved it (34586)
On 04/10/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63928) - you deserved it (4132)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (194082) - you deserved it (16743)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (203363) - you deserved it (59382)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML
I agree, your life sucks (88321) - you deserved it (3792)
On 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (68775)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
I agree, your life sucks (201380) - you deserved it (29356)
On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86760) - you deserved it (9149)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85510) - you deserved it (19134)
On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49838) - you deserved it (6812)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:05am - work - by Rev (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (117432) - you deserved it (11134)
On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
