About scottyrocks123 : Usually bored
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scottyrocks123's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
by datingfail / 08/14/2016 at 8:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by inappropes / 08/11/2016 at 1:33am / United States / Love
Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML
by That guy / 08/08/2016 at 11:45am / United States (Texas) / Work
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
by VisceralWolf / 01/26/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by logic / 01/18/2016 at 10:16am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2016 at 8:17am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by i tried so hard / 01/08/2016 at 10:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML
by tiredofbullshit / 01/08/2016 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation
Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML
by AccidentalFlasher / 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML
by anne / 01/07/2016 at 7:00am / Germany / Intimacy
by Anonycock / 01/06/2016 at 12:15pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…