scotty3563

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scotty3563

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 October 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 238
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About scotty3563 : I'm Scotty the fucking hottie xD I love reading about the daily unfortunate events that cause people to say "fuck my life." Isn't that the only thing needed on this site?

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scotty3563's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

by kiwibox / 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Animals

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm / Iceland / Work

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML

by bestnameright / 12/09/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

by childhoodupinsmoke / 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

by karmaquestionmark / 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 1:59am / United States / Animals