Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

schpanki

Search for a member

schpanki

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 April 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 975
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About schpanki : I just realised I have had the text "Awesomesauce" as description for a looooong time. I wonder if anyone ever read it...

Oh well, I like stuff, dont like stuff, yadayada.

Dont know what to write here. Bye.

schpanki's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 12:34pm<b>vetgirl23</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 3:20pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 2:41am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 1:53pm<b>projectem7</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 1:15am<b>Teresalove</b> - the 01/16/2012 at 8:43pm

schpanki's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of schpanki's badges

schpanki's favorite FMLs

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39495) - you deserved it (14349)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

#20168543
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17871) - you deserved it (1443)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by mountains - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

#20093138
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (1750)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:38am - love - by thatonegirl.SBS. - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (4988)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11891) - you deserved it (35052)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (5798)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19011) - you deserved it (1748)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

#19000148
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43552) - you deserved it (4536)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (2709)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

#18991669
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31386) - you deserved it (2750) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/04/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by DarkDolly - France

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

#18991007
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27456) - you deserved it (3344)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:52am - love - by ac-hoo (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

#18966203
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24719) - you deserved it (5280)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:13am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

#18685700
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43451) - you deserved it (7097)

On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29510) - you deserved it (5590)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18785) - you deserved it (15867)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: