About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.
schalk's FML badges
I NEED to know!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
schalk's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
by becca / 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm / United States / Love
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
by Bratty son / 10/23/2012 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Kids
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
by Lunazel93 / 10/22/2012 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
by tempted to become single / 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
by PerpetuallyHappy / 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 2:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…