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schalk

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schalk
  • Town/Country : Pretoria, South Africa
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 March 1980 (34 years)
  • Number of visits : 2718
  • Number of comments : 218
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.

schalk's last visitors

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An insomniac or a creature of the dark

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schalk's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7345) - you deserved it (68931)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14650) - you deserved it (2629)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8246) - you deserved it (53526)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (14182)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

#18316654
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39608) - you deserved it (7402)

On 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm - health - by Bob - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

#18314611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31532) - you deserved it (10773)

On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML

#18287242
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14034) - you deserved it (38143)

On 11/19/2011 at 6:42am - love - by kaybax - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33875) - you deserved it (18245)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

#18244836
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21318) - you deserved it (3011)

On 11/14/2011 at 8:37am - work - by metallifreak44 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48695) - you deserved it (6226)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

#18108392
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37636) - you deserved it (21776)

On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States

Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriends house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML

#18101485
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13686) - you deserved it (18780)

On 10/29/2011 at 3:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22317) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

#17668852
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26402) - you deserved it (4071)

On 09/05/2011 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

#17652059
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25410) - you deserved it (2795)

On 09/03/2011 at 10:36am - kids - by abby181 - United States (Colorado)



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