Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

schalk

Search for a member

schalk
  • Town/Country : Pretoria, South Africa
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 March 1980 (34 years)
  • Number of visits : 2722
  • Number of comments : 218
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.

schalk's last visitors

saucyrossiTheBrochurekattiesShadowvoidSynistiellastsinglepandabluevayerolmc94twinny_screbecca123333

schalk's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of schalk's badges

schalk's favorite FMLs

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

#20064184
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6729) - you deserved it (19947)

On 09/09/2012 at 2:15am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27680) - you deserved it (5417)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32224) - you deserved it (9797) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14748) - you deserved it (31704)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

#19995628
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52252) - you deserved it (9696)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

#19981576
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23180) - you deserved it (1915)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (32985)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

#19951695
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18752) - you deserved it (1776)

On 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by TimeForACareerChange (man) - United States

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

#19937636
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3630) - you deserved it (35097)

On 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27524) - you deserved it (4462)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

#19555079
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14192) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/30/2012 at 8:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

#18770339
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27976) - you deserved it (2104)

On 01/10/2012 at 9:52pm - health - by barface - United States (Texas)

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

#18765651
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12359) - you deserved it (47148)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

#18763493
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11328) - you deserved it (16277)

On 01/10/2012 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

#18760166
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10304) - you deserved it (17069)

On 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm - misc - by annoying (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: