About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.
schalk's FML badges
I NEED to know!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
schalk's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML
by katrina2d / 01/27/2015 at 12:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by ameliaruth09 / 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML
by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML
by idkgiraffes / 12/27/2014 at 10:57pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML
by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love
by justjoking / 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML
by thechaos / 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:19am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML
by IHateSchool-.- / 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States / Work
by roughsexgonewrong / 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health
- Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.…