About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.
schalk's FML badges
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schalk's favorite FMLs
by Anon / 08/16/2011 at 2:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML
by Musicfan / 08/11/2011 at 10:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by CrappyLuck / 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML
by MikeMorin18 / 07/31/2011 at 8:07pm / United States / Work
Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML
by Nick / 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by ohmygosh / 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by growlr / 07/20/2011 at 5:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
by bigjohn106 / 07/17/2011 at 8:34am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by sbutler / 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Snurkles / 07/07/2011 at 8:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Bekah / 07/04/2011 at 9:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy