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About schalk : Don't be a smartass if you're not smart, otherwise you're just an ass.
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Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8176) - you deserved it (1240)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5358) - you deserved it (990)
On 04/30/2012 at 8:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10332) - you deserved it (755)
On 01/10/2012 at 9:52pm - health - by barface - United States (Texas)
Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3493) - you deserved it (13150)
On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9409) - you deserved it (11438)
On 01/10/2012 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3514) - you deserved it (5002)
On 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm - misc - by annoying (woman) - United States
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5434) - you deserved it (48577)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12639) - you deserved it (12875)
On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2708) - you deserved it (16454)
On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9875) - you deserved it (4660)
On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32997) - you deserved it (5443)
On 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm - health - by Bob - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11247) - you deserved it (3059)
On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
I agree, your life sucks (4781) - you deserved it (11921)
On 11/19/2011 at 6:42am - love - by kaybax - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10492) - you deserved it (6022)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17293) - you deserved it (2196)
On 11/14/2011 at 8:37am - work - by metallifreak44 - Canada (Ontario)
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