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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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saymynamess's favorite FMLs
Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML
by CogadhTallon / 12/29/2015 at 9:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML
by fabz / 11/27/2015 at 7:39am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work
by sydcaller618 / 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Quicky5_ / 11/03/2015 at 1:58am / United States (Alabama) / Work
by prick / 10/30/2015 at 5:53pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2015 at 10:40am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Money
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health
by :'( / 09/08/2015 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML
by thegrandchawhee / 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
by Anonymous / 08/22/2015 at 5:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by yooitscallo / 08/22/2015 at 3:30am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML
by suuoerwholock / 08/14/2015 at 10:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML
Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML
by NotJobbing / 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
by Wow / 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…