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About satanstolemysock : I like soy sauce. Om nom.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8394) - you deserved it (34852)
On 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm - animals - by bobo - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (4813)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, the only person to tell me "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27627) - you deserved it (3190)
On 04/16/2011 at 2:11am - misc - by uncool (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8487) - you deserved it (55637)
On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29946) - you deserved it (3101)
On 04/10/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26451) - you deserved it (3610)
On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)
Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25218) - you deserved it (4415)
On 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm - misc - by jballer - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37912) - you deserved it (7575)
On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22892) - you deserved it (3178)
On 03/16/2011 at 8:12pm - animals - by MacGrouber (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11976) - you deserved it (34859)
On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to the doctor for an infection from where a cat bit me while I was sleeping. Where that cat came from and how it got into my bedroom I will never know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25180) - you deserved it (2081)
On 03/13/2011 at 9:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8539) - you deserved it (26200)
On 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9917) - you deserved it (16533)
On 03/11/2011 at 11:05am - work - by scaredofbozo -
Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18668) - you deserved it (3125)
On 03/10/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by JulieClaire -
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37744) - you deserved it (6940)
On 03/10/2011 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anon (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
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