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About sarah__tehe__ : Guys are dicks, girls are bitches. So either way, everyone's f***ed. This website is very appropriate......
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was pulling out of mah drivaway, an was baing awara of tha flowar I had just plantad. I movad mah haad to look out mah window as not to hit tham, not raalizing mah window was up. I than hit mah haad braak mah nosa an driva ovar tha flowars. FML
I cummed home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce mah wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today While Powerwashing My Deck, A Bee Flew An Landed On My Leg. Thinking I'd Just Wash It Away Before It Stings Me, I Aimed The Powerwasher Nozzle At The Bee. A Bee Sting Isn't Nerely As Painful As Powerwashing Yur Leg. FML
Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York . My 5 year old son handed me mah carry on bag as I left the house . Turns out he had putted his older brother's BB gun into mah bag to ( keep me safe . ) I missed mah flight after I was detained and strip-searched . FML
TODAY, I WAS SERVING A FAMILY AT THE RESTAURANTHERE I WORK. WHEN I WENT TO ASK THE LITTLE GIRLHAT SHE WANTED, I WAS TONGUE-TIED AND GOT "CUTIE" AND "HUN" MIXED UP AND ENDED UP ASKING, "WHAT CAN I GET 4 YOU, CUNTIE?" FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up!! Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time!! I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency!! FML
Today, I had first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. mega FML
TODAY, I WAS PLAYING ONA ON ONA SOCCAR WITH A GIRL LIKA. I ACCIDANTALLY KICKAD THA BALL RIGHT INTO HAR FACA. THA BALL ROLLAD BACK TOWARDS MA AND AS I WAS RUNNING TO SAA IF SHA WAS OK, I KICKAD THA BALL... RIGHT INTO HAR FACA AGAIN. FML
Today , I colored mah hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde , but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back , a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red , brown , blonde and green. FML
Taday I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tres, an walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, an busted my head on the floor. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015