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sandyclaus's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML
by Ashton Sprunger / 12/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States / Work
Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML
by hdkgdkvdjd / 12/29/2011 at 11:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML
by Derpina / 12/21/2011 at 10:33am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML
by sigh / 12/21/2011 at 7:39am / United States / Transportation
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Cano951 / 12/16/2011 at 3:16pm / United States / Money
by anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by kal / 02/23/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML
by Slipperywhenwet / 02/28/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2008 at 4:24am / Australia / Miscellaneous
- Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when… Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from… Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's…